He’s Got A Hemi!

The hood of the car would open and my high school buddies would look wide eyed as they peered into the engine compartment. They could not have been more in awe of this marvel of technology.

I grew up in a town of four thousand and this was an event of significance. We had never known anyone that had had a Hemi. Though it was long ago, I think it was Breezo Davis that first had a Hemi. He also had cigarettes wrapped into the sleeve of his white teeshirt. He was older than me, no one was more cool.

I was raised with many privileges and enjoyed many learning experiences, automotive science was not one of them.

I was dreadfully becoming analytic and knew frightfully little about cars and continue to know as much.

I have come to develop relationships with auto mechanics. I pay them money and they assure me that I will most likely travel down the road with little concern. Most often that has been the case.

As my buddies eyes grew wide at the sight of seeing their first Hemi. I was looking into the engine compartment thinking…….this would be the motor. The Hemi must reside in here, in some form? It was not a super natural deity or some superstitious mojo, however It seemed to be some mystical device that made people larger than life, it made them… exceedingly cool. The Hemi was the ultimate “Babe Magnet”. I stared under the hood and saw the emblem, not having a clue as to what it might do. However, I knew that if I had one of these, a dozen pretty girls would stand in line for a date with me. Since I already had a girl friend, I brushed aside the fact and decided I didn’t need a Hemi.

Life wandered on and my interests strayed further and further from automotive science. Last week I happened to attend a car show. I like art, design, and its relationship to transportation. The car show was a spectacular event and then, out of nowhere…..there was a car with a Hemi.

I have always fancied language and word origins. Enough time had passed and my confidence level has grown. I want to understand the origins of the known Universe and I want to know what is a Hemi?

So……….HEMI is short for HEMISPHERICAL! Automotive science and their minions believe that when the upper portion of the combustion chamber is flat, you get a certain amount of compression in your engine. When that upper portion of this combustion chamber is made to be HEMISPHERICAL, it is purported to increase the amount of compression. It has been used for centuries in cannons and things that explode. This is a fact left to the world of automotive science.

I take some comfort in knowing that a Hemi is not just for attracting women. It has a function in this world. I can walk with greater confidence at car shows knowing this fact. And if I was not happily married I would most certainly be looking for a Hemi.

Bill Keitel